A young woman drowned off the coast of the Philippines this morning during her morning swim. The woman in question, Jane Doe (her real name, her parents are really fucking funny), took to the beach on the last day of her vacation at a resort in the Philippines. Nobody heard from her again. Police have reason to suspect the ocean."Listen, the ocean has been last to see so many people that have disappeared for ages. No, literally ages." The local police chief said in his address to the press. He continued on, "Sir Francis Drake died at sea, we've asked the ocean about that and it always dodges the question. It's time we take this seriously."
When the ocean was reached for comment on these police speculations it said, "what, it's my fault the bitch can't swim?"
Miss. Doe was once an all-American swimmer at the University of Georgia.
