Tiger Woods loses sex privileges with wife.

Elin Nordgren has cut Tiger Woods off.

Following the news of GM not allowing Woods to get cars from them for free, his wife has made a statement saying she will not give him sex anymore for free.
USA today reveals that Elin has ended her arrangement with Woods in which they sex from time to time. Elin Nordgren's spokeswoman told the Newspaper that their arrangement expired on December 8, around the time she found out he was a cheating bastard.

Woods endorsed Nordgren until 2009 but he had hoped to have a little bit of make-up sex at some point after their contract ended. This hope has now been crushed completely.

USA Today also reports that the relationship has ended and will not be repaired. News of it will be sold gratuitously to the public ad infinitum.

source: http://www.sportingnews.com/golf/article/2010-01-13/tiger-woods-losing-driving-privileges-gm

Tiger launches new "multiple usage" condom.

Tiger Woods has decided to use his new found notoriety with the ladies to launch a new product. Woods has formerly appeared in ads for such companies as Gillette and GM but now he's decided to launch an entirely new product, with Durex.
Tiger says the condom, aptly named "the Tiger," is a new breed in the condom industry. It can be used multiple times and with multiple partners. As Tiger himself says, "you can have sex with a mistress, go home to your wife and have sex with her too and you never have to take the condom off." Most people would find that horribly disgusting and some even question why you would have sex with your wife while wearing a condom.

This product launch comes right after Tiger decided to take a break from the sport of golf for a while, as he recently took "a leave of absence" from the game. Maybe this condom business is a new direction for the "Michael Jordan of Golf."

"I hope to channel my indiscretions into positives and this line of condoms is a a way to do that," Tiger stated at the launch of the condom. Sources say that other items such as a dildo shaped exactly like the golfers penis, and scented oils that carry his musk will also be released shortly.
When asked what his wife, Elin, thought of the product Tiger said mournfully, "I fully expect her to try and stab me in the heart."