Tiger launches new "multiple usage" condom.

Tiger Woods has decided to use his new found notoriety with the ladies to launch a new product. Woods has formerly appeared in ads for such companies as Gillette and GM but now he's decided to launch an entirely new product, with Durex.
Tiger says the condom, aptly named "the Tiger," is a new breed in the condom industry. It can be used multiple times and with multiple partners. As Tiger himself says, "you can have sex with a mistress, go home to your wife and have sex with her too and you never have to take the condom off." Most people would find that horribly disgusting and some even question why you would have sex with your wife while wearing a condom.

This product launch comes right after Tiger decided to take a break from the sport of golf for a while, as he recently took "a leave of absence" from the game. Maybe this condom business is a new direction for the "Michael Jordan of Golf."

"I hope to channel my indiscretions into positives and this line of condoms is a a way to do that," Tiger stated at the launch of the condom. Sources say that other items such as a dildo shaped exactly like the golfers penis, and scented oils that carry his musk will also be released shortly.
When asked what his wife, Elin, thought of the product Tiger said mournfully, "I fully expect her to try and stab me in the heart."

Research says baseball is the 2nd most boring sport.

A new study of the most entertaining sports by the Committee of Invalid Research, which is headed up by Dick Burger, has come up with some staggering facts about which sports are the most boring.
To no one's surprise cricket is number 1. In 2nd place though, we find baseball, sometimes called America's past time, sometimes called "what is this?" by Europeans. We decided to call Mr. Burger up and have him explain the results to us.

What Google came up with when i searched for "dick burger."

Balls: What were the most important findings you came up with?

Dick Burger: Well, apparently people like it when stuff happens in sports. In baseball, some stuff happens some of the time but there's not too much going on for a long time.

Balls: So it has something to do with the length of the games.

Dick Burger: Baseball games are so long I once went to the bathroom twice during one game.

Balls: That's actually not that bad, I once peed for--

Dick Burger: I was taking shits.

Balls: Right.

Dick: Most baseball games are like that movie The Piano.

Balls: Cinematic masterpieces?

Dick: No, boring pieces of shit where nothing happens.

Balls: What about cricket?

Dick: Cricket's just a game made up so that rich white people can watch something while they get drunk.

Balls: I thought that was all sports.

Dick: All sports don't have games that last for weeks.

Balls: That's true. One final question.

Dick: Yes.

Balls: Do you like dick burgers.

Dick: That's not cool, dude.

Bobcats - Nets, match-up for the ages.

Two of the NBA's most exciting teams met in a barnburner last night. The Charlotte Bobcats beat the New Jersey Nets and the score at halftime was 79-68. No, wait, that's how the game ended, my bad. These are two of the NBA's most prestigious franchises. In fact, the Bobcats are the only team the Nets have a winning record against.

Such players as Jason Kidd and Zombie Vince Carter have played for the Nets. The Bobcats roster has contained well known names like Stephen and Raymond. I thought for a minute while watching the game that the Bobcats had put a shirt on one of the commercial blimps often found in the rafters of arenas, but that turned out to be Boris Diaw. It should also be noted that Chris Douglas-Roberts plays for the Nets but he's the illegitimate love child of actors Michael Douglas and Eric Roberts.

Chris Douglas-Roberts. Not pictured: fathers Micheal and Eric.

As the teams staged a furious shootout with percentages unheard of in the NBA -the Nets shot a blistering 37% from the field and 3-10 from deep while the Bobcats kept pace with 32% from the field and an amazing 3 point percentage of 7- team coaches Lawrence Frank and Larry Brown respectively hung themselves.
Fans are sure to hope that these sort of games will continue to be scheduled and the host of empty seats in the Bobcats arena are sure to fill up once news of this classic match-up gets around.