David Stern jokingly names Tracy McGrady as All-Star replacement for Kobe Bryant.

David Stern held a mock press conference to name Tracy McGrady as a reserve for the potentially sidelined Kobe Bryant.
Kobe Bryant has not taken part in the last two games for the L.A Lakers. The former MVP is ravaged with injuries, his back has been stiff, he injured a finger a few months ago and just recently he rolled his ankle. There has been speculation that he might not participate in the All-Star game even though he was voted in by the fans.
Tracy McGrady has played in 6 games this season. He has spent the majority of the season sidelined due to a surgery that took place this off-season. He then played those 6 games in a limited role and was benched indefinitely after he complained of a lack of minutes.
Stern held the press conference with McGrady present. All parties, except for McGrady, knew that it was joke. Stern took his place in front of the press with a shit eating grin on his face, just barely holding in his laughter, "Kobe Bryant has chosen to withdraw from this year's all-star festivities." A member of the press almost broke out in laughter as Stern tried to get through the lie, "seriously dude, seriously... oh God." McGrady looked a bit perplexed but not too bothered by the charade.
Stern went on, "and I have named Tracy McGrady as a replacement." Tracy stepped up to the podium and acted as if he was about to say something, Stern then swiped the microphone away from him and yelled: "psyche!" The press exploded in raucous laughter and Stern keeled over with streams of tears rolling down his cheeks. McGrady just stood there and muttered, "dudes, what the fuck?"

Breaking news: having actual All-Star caliber players with Lebron James will get Cavaliers second player on All-Star team.

Picture is from ymswwc.com

The Cleveland Cavaliers did not get a second player on the All-Star team this year despite having the best record in the league. They have one win more than the L.A Lakers who have two players in the contest: top 25 player of All-Time Kobe Bryant and legitimate All-Star Pau Gasol.
Mike Brown said that he did know what it would take for the Cavaliers to get a second player on the All-Star team, after all they have the best record in the league.
David Stern put out a statement on the matter, "the Cleveland Cavaliers will get a second player on the All-Star team when they get a second All-Star." That was it.
Enciphering Mr. Stern's statement it seems that he does not believe that Mo Williams, the Cavaliers second leading scorer at 17 points per game, is an actual All-Star.
Last season Williams was a part of the All-Star game when the Cavaliers were far ahead of the rest of the NBA as far win totals went. He was the second substitute selected into last season's game. Jameer Nelson was firstly replaced with Ray Allen and then Chris Bosh was replaced with the aforementioned Williams.
Cleveland fans will feel snubbed by only having Lebron James in this years festivities but as one of David Stern's personal assistants said to reporters after Mr. Stern's statement had been issued: "maybe the Cavaliers should try and get a second All-Star before they cry about not having two players in the All-Star game. Wussies."

Superbowl 45 is a unique spectacle.

Both teams are undefeated. One will remain so, the other will succumb to 18-1. That 18-1 is previously the best record ever in the NFL and playoffs. That is if you don't count that Dolphins team that uncorks some champagne every year. Let's just go ahead and do that.
This will be a different 18-1 than what the Patriots felt. This time the other team will go 19-0. Those Dolphins can take that cork and shove up it up their... you get the picture.
If you lose to a team that's undefeated you'll feel bad. It won't make that sting you feel once that horn sounds any less painful. But once you get things into perspective it won't be the worst loss you'll have felt. It won't be a choke job. You simply lost to the best team. The best team of all time.
... Oh wait, both teams lost games down the stretch in the regular season. The Colts rested Peyton Manning, they made a conscious decision to lose. The Saints decided to not be good anymore. My bad, discount all the whole post.

Shaq calls out superstars who have lost their hops for Dunk Contest.

Cleveland Cavaliers center Shaquille O'neal has suggested that his teammate Lebron James should enter into a dunk competition with Kobe Bryant and Vince Carter, with the proceeds going to Haiti.
Kobe Bryant is battling injuries to his right index finger and back, Vince Carter has been battling ankle and shoulder injuries this season. Both players are in their 30's.
Other outlets have suggested that Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins should also enter this competition. Maybe Dr.J and David Thompson should come out too. Spud Webb should only be about 40-something now.
Bryant has changed his game completely this season to accommodate his waning athleticism, now relying primarily on post moves and mid-range jumpers as apposed to mid-are aerobatics.
According to most sources Vince Carter just sucks now.

(picture taken approximately 18 years ago when Vince Carter still attacked the basket)

New FA Ruling: Alex Ferguson can do and say whatever he wants

The Football Association has made a new ruling as they explained in a recent statement.
"Sir Alex Ferguson can now say and do whatever he wants about anything containing to the FA, its referees or estranged infants for that matter."
Ferguson has been very vocal about referees this season, he complained that Alan Wiley was out of shape and also said that Mark Clattenburg was "weird and wonderful" and that his added on time of 5 mintues in Manchester United's loss against Leeds was "an insult to the game." He was of course not reprimanded for the latter comments.
In response to the FA's statement Ferguson held a press conference where he peed on Liverpool's flag, hit on a 15 year old boy and systematically made lewd comments about all wives of referees in England.

The FA later applauded this.

In other news, Liverpool manager, Rafael Benitez has developed an addiction to heroin.

Tiger Woods loses sex privileges with wife.

Elin Nordgren has cut Tiger Woods off.

Following the news of GM not allowing Woods to get cars from them for free, his wife has made a statement saying she will not give him sex anymore for free.
USA today reveals that Elin has ended her arrangement with Woods in which they sex from time to time. Elin Nordgren's spokeswoman told the Newspaper that their arrangement expired on December 8, around the time she found out he was a cheating bastard.

Woods endorsed Nordgren until 2009 but he had hoped to have a little bit of make-up sex at some point after their contract ended. This hope has now been crushed completely.

USA Today also reports that the relationship has ended and will not be repaired. News of it will be sold gratuitously to the public ad infinitum.

source: http://www.sportingnews.com/golf/article/2010-01-13/tiger-woods-losing-driving-privileges-gm

McGwire, unselfishly, did steroids for the children.

Mark McGwire, baseball hero and home-run hitter did not do steroids to get home-runs. He did them for the children.

"Listen, baseball sucks." McGwire said in an emotional interview with AP. "I did baseball and children a favor by obliterating some old dude's record. The children cared for baseball when I played and hit my home-runs. Now nobody uses PED's anymore. Why the shit should I even watch baseball anymore?"
McGwire now works as the St. Louis Cardinals hitting coach. "I don't really coach them as much as I pressure players to take steroids. They don't take 'em though, fucking losers."
McGwire broke Roger Maris' home-run record in 1998 when he hit a total of 70 home runs. It seems as if McGwire seems to not care about anything anymore, he has become a very mean, old man. When thatsalotofballz called him up to comment, he called us "spineless morons and douchebags." Then we cried quietly in the bathroom.
We're alright now.