Monday, September 27, 2010

Lebron James loses longest list of names ever assembled.

Word has gone around that Lebron James is so incredibly focused that he wrote down the names of every single person that slighted him this summer. Then he lost the list. The reigning, two-time MVP wanted to remind himself of all the people who lambasted his one-hour special, the decision (which effectively boiled down to a massive kick in the groin to Cleveland and everyone who thought Lebron was not an egotistical narcissist with no perspective of the world), and his decision to go to Miami along with most of his decisions in the off season.

"Lebron just can't find it." Lebron said about himself and his search of the list which looks more like the largest phone book in the world. "Lebron has looked every where but he just can't remember where he left it." The narcissist continued in the third person. "Well, where did you last put it?" Asked Jim Gray, the man who interviewed Lebron for The Decision. "Lebron don't know." Said Lebron as they conducted the most banal interview of all time.
Most of the press present had actually fallen asleep, started playing around on their iphones or slit their wrists when Lebron finally thought of a good place the list might be. "Oh, maybe Lebron put it in his desk drawer?" Jim Gray clapped his hand in bemusement, "wow! We got somewhere. Yay!" He exclaimed euphorically and high-fived Lebron.
No man was left at the press junket. Except for the dead bodies of those who had bravely taken their lives in the most unnecessary event ever created. Save perhaps for The Decision.