Tuesday, October 5, 2010

God begins doling out wrath on Miami Heat.

Dwayne Wade left the pre-season game against the Detroit Pistons with a hamstring injury three minutes in. According to the almighty God, that's the least of the Miami Heat's worries.
"I just did that for practice. Those guys are in for it." The large, white bearded figure said in a phone interview. Apparently he's got all sorts of things planned out for what he calls "the golden idols." "They think they're better than me" he said, "I'll show them, I'll show 'em good." Betting for Chris Bosh getting the plaque went off the table in Vegas earlier today.
"Athletes always thank me after a good performance. They thank me so I won't strike them down." God commented, with a certain Whiskey swagger about him. "They know that if they don't... BOOM. BOOM. Lightning, motherfucker. Where do you think it strikes?" The reporter took a wild guess.
God saw The Decision, the one hour special in which Lebron "took his talents to south beach", and He didn't think much off it. "I was about to just throw some locusts on his ass but I decided it would be much better to end his season in heartbreaking fashion. You know, like all those other times with the Cavaliers." Then the almighty one added ominously: "witness this, Lebron." It was obvious that God had had too many at this point and probably won't remember a whole lot tomorrow. At least that's what those 4, loyal Miami Heat fans hope.