Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Lebron breaks Cleveland baby's neck off, eats its essence.

Lebron James has, as heavily publicized, broken Cleveland's metaphorical heart. Now he seeks to become more of a super villain and all around demented lunatic. James was seen in downtown Cleveland snatching an infant from its mother and breaking its neck in order to "eat its essence."
It has become clear that James is a psychotic madman who must be stopped at all cost. He does not realize the effects of his actions at all as he asked the baby's mom, now holding a carcass, weeping openly and crying "why, god, why?" if she wanted his autograph. She attempted to hit James but he could not feel anything. He simply scratched his neck beard, put on pretentious sunglasses and walked off. He was later seen eating an ice cream cone before strangling an old woman.

Update: Stephen A. Smith now reports that James is actually doing these things to see whether he can feel pain or any sense of right and wrong. Because of constant pampering and constant attention from the age of 7 James has grown into a monster that can't feel pain, physical or mental. So now he roams from city to city in order to find someone who can make him feel things. When asked to comment random stranger said: "that sounds like an episode of Charmed."
It probably is, random stranger, it probably is.