Thursday, August 19, 2010

New Manchester United signing addicted to Heroin

It has been revealed that former homeless person and new Manchester United player Bébé is addicted to heroin. He also cannot speak English.
Sir Alex Ferguson admitted this on the back end of a 5 day red wine bender that ended with a press conference where he showed up with no pants on, spilled red wine on almost everyone's camera and made the shocking revelation about his newest acquisition.
"Well, I'll tell yer, the bairn's as loony as a gypsy in an ice capade." the Manchester manager told reporters. He continued: "I saw the needle stickin' out his arm, I did. He offered me some, I accepted."
Manchester United were playing as Sir Alex wandered onto the field, giving tactical advice.

Whether or not the manager did try heroin cannot be confirmed as he was hitting on what he thought was woman but was actually a fern. It is thought that he might have been trying to impress the botany. "I like yer saucy looks," he complimented.
Reporters were unable to confirm whether the Portuguese player would be registered into a rehab center as Sir Alex passed out on top of a table before the press conference was over.