Tuesday, January 7, 2014

J.R. Smith goes 8-49. Is revealed to be a malfunctioning robot.

New York Knicks shooting guard J.R. Smith went 8-49 in a loss against the Cleveland Cavaliers on Sunday. The 6 foot 6 swingman shot at every oppurtunity, even when two defenders were draped over him on the half court line with 17 seconds left on the shot clock.

Smith had a staggering 100% usage ratio during his 31 minutes on the court as Mike Woodson frantically texted his owner, James Dolan, for permission to pull the misfiring guard off the floor. His teammates continued to pass him the ball, for some reason, as he lofted a shot up each time he touched the rock.

„If I get the ball I shoot the ball.“ Smith said in a monotone voice during a press conference. He seemed confident in his own reasoning and logic. When a reporter asked him whether he should perhaps pass the ball to a teammate who had a better shooting opportunity the shooting guard simply bellowed, „does not compute“ with his mouth agape and jaw akimbo as smoke rose from his ears and sparks flew out of his nose. A Knicks representative quickly shut the press conference down.

Smith is listed as "Out – Indefinitely. Computing problem."