Saturday, November 7, 2009

Bryant sold soul to Devil for NBA championship, career longevity. (source)

Kobe Bryant visiting the fiery pits of hell

A source close to Satan's camp has revealed that Kobe Bryant sold his soul to the Devil in 2006. The deal, where the Dark Lord would get the option on Mr. Bryant's soul in 2056 in exchange for an NBA championship and cash considerations, involved a buyout clause in the summer of 2048 in case Kobe Bryant would be saved or if the world would end in a fiery apocalypse.
This also sheds light on the Pau Gasol trade. In a recent interview Mitch Kupchack said that he got a call from an unknown third party about a possible steal for Gasol and he simply could not refuse the offer. He also said that he signed the deal with a pen made out of fire.

The Dark Lord (artist impression)

Chris Wallace, Memphis Grizzlies GM, will probably be delighted that this story has finally been broken as he obviously could not do a whole lot to prevent the Lakers acquisition of Pau Gasol, not with Beelzebub involved in the trade. Apparently Wallace has since moved his office to the Sacred Heart catholic church and has been unavailable for comment.
We can also assume that Bryant's astounding knee longevity can, to some degree, be attributed to this deal with the Devil. Bryant has played in about 1100 games and is still going strong, averaging about 35 points per game this season with the Lakers.